Changing it up: Anxiety

Hey guys! So, I thought this month we’d do something different, instead of answering questions; I’d like to share my recent challenge that, overall, made me stronger.  Now, I’m not doing this to get sympathy, I’m simply sharing this in hope that you relate and maybe not feel so alone, and hopefully it’ll start chatter on my blog! Over the last two months I’ve missed a lot of school because of an illness I have. No, I didn’t have surgery and no, I’m not contagious! I have anxiety and depression. Here’s a little bit to fill you in.

At one of my doctor’s appointments, I found out I have a borderline gluten allergy. To sum it up a little bit, a gluten allergy is when you’re allergic to the gluten that is in, for the most part, every food item. The allergy can be tamed though, by eating the right foods, that don’t contain gluten. After finding that out, I thought I was cured, but, I wasn’t. I explained to my doctor the symptoms that I had and how sick I would feel from just from sitting in class. She then diagnosed me with having anxiety and depression. Now, anxiety and depression go hand in hand, so it wasn’t uncommon for me to have depression, too. Dealing with the anxiety and depression was one of the hardest things I have ever been through. I met  with a counselor every week, just to learn coping skills and to discuss what makes me feel so anxious every day. I blamed everybody and everything I could. I blamed the school work, my family, my friends, and even the food I ate. I didn’t want to come to the conclusion that this was something I was doing to myself and something only I could fix. I wanted to be able to take one big pill, go to bed, and be one hundred percent better by morning, but of course that’s not how it works.

 I began to isolate myself from the world. I stayed in my bed for weeks just feeling sorry for myself and not doing anything to fix it. Then weeks turned into months; still not doing anything for myself. Crying and isolating me felt right, it felt comforting, and in my house I knew I was safe. I didn’t know what would happen if I left my house, and that terrified me. I didn’t want to go to a counselor because I convinced myself that I didn’t need help. I convinced myself that everything I was doing to myself was right; that I was supposed to be in pain because it was just how anxiety worked. After about a month on my first anxiety medicine, I started to leave the house more, but I’d still feel sick and break down crying each night. Every day it got worse and I sunk down deeper in my funk.  I was in my funk so far down, that I couldn’t pull myself out on my own. I needed help getting out of my funk, but I was too scared to ask for help. Before I knew it I had doctors, counselors, teachers, students, and my own family helping me out. They all were encouraging and working with me because I did need help, and without them I know I would still be in my bed at this very moment.

 I recently started taking another anxiety medicine that I take right before I leave for school. With these two medicines working together, I feel like I can go more places and am more confident. I know now ways to cope with my anxiety, such as deep breathing and just focusing on something else besides what’s making me freak out. No, I am not fixed and I don’t know if I’ll ever be 100% again. Anxiety is an ongoing battle. Some days you might see me break down, or you’ll see me being happy and back to myself. I do someday hope to get off of my anxiety medicine, but for now, I’m pushing through and will continue to push myself and help others who are going through challenges like mine.

So, why did I write this article? I wrote this article because I want you to know that it is OK to ask others for help and that you’re NEVER alone in anything you do. There is no reason to be ashamed that you have to take medicine or that you may need help every now and then; sometimes more than others. I also want you to know that when you’re at your last straw and you feel like giving up; don’t give up, man up, and ask for help.  The world we live in may be crazy and at times things seem messed up, but at the same time, this world is so beautiful and you are worth every minute you are here.