Single Senior

Dear Alexis,

I'm really nervous about this but here goes nothing. I'm a senior at your school and as we both know Sadie's is coming up. I don't know who to ask. I really would like to go with someone but I don't even know who I would ask as a friend. All of close friends have dates now and so I feel kind of left out. I considered asking a guy I recently started talking to but he doesn't seem to into me. When we're with each other in person it's fantastic, but he never returns my texts. He's in college so I know he's always busy with classes and all. However, whenever I try to hang out with him he bails last moment. I guess he's known to do that to a lot of girls because he has trust issues. (Once he even bailed on a girl 5 minutes before a dance!) I just don't want that to be me, you know? It sucks because all my friends are having these experiences that high school kids are supposed to have. They gone out on dates, been in relationships, etc. I'm 18 and I've never been asked out once. I'm embarrassed because when I get to college I know they'll be more guys, but...wouldn't it be awkward to tell them I've never even been kissed. I try going after guys and lowering my standards but I ALWAYS get friend-zoned. I've tallied up 27 times since I was a freshman. Somehow somewhere along the line I mess it up. I just want someone who I can wake up and have a good morning text from, and they call me beautiful because lord knows I don't feel beautiful at all. I feel ugly and alone, the saddest part is that I’m considered one of the most popular girls. But how come no one will take a chance and date me?

Thanks for listening,

Always, Single Senior 

Dear Single senior, 

        First off I want to tackle the part where you said, “And they call me beautiful because lord knows I don't feel beautiful at all. I feel ugly and alone.” That could be one of the biggest parts of your problem.  Magazines, TV shows, movies, etc. have set this bar of beauty that people will judge themselves on. Beauty isn't a size two model with blue eyes and blonde hair but unfortunately that’s what the media puts out there.  Beauty comes in different shapes, sizes, and colors. When people feel as if they don’t rise up to society’s definition of beautiful, they put themselves down, hide away from others, and don’t see the potential they have. YOU choose your beauty; no one can choose that for you. You have to see you’re beautiful in order for others to see it, too. You won’t truly see yourself as beautiful if you put yourself down, like you did while writing me. Before you even think about boys, you have to realize that you are beautiful, inside and out. Everyone is beautiful in their own unique way.   Another thing that defines beauty is confidence. Confidence is sexy; confidence will make you stand out. Try something for me.  Go to your mirror, stand in front of it and out loud list ten things you like about your personality, then list ten things you like about the way you look. These ten things can be as simple as how pretty your hair looks or how nice you are. Make sure to say these twenty things out loud, or they won’t count. I want you to repeat this process until you believe it. Another thing I noticed was that you said you’re considered one of the most popular girls, why is that? There has to be something positive about you to make others see you as popular. You said that all of your friends are having normal high school experiences such as being in relationships, going on dates, being kissed, etc. Now being in high school means that you’re in high school with people you’ve almost grown up with, I get that but if you want to be in relationships, start small. Maybe start out with dating someone at your school; preferably in your grade. Then you can go on to dating the boys in college! Here comes the fun part, you want to go out on dates, right? Once you build up your confidence, ask the boy out! Who says girls can’t ask boys out on dates? It shows character if you can do something that courageous. You’re going to have many dates your whole life and high school is the time when they start happening; but not for everyone. Does this mean that something is wrong with you; absolutely not. Does this mean that you’ll never go out on dates; of course not. Now for your Sadie’s date, don’t stress it. Ask who you’d feel comfortable going with. Even ask to be the third wheel with your friends. I did that one year. Surprisingly, it was fun! It’s your senior year so you shouldn't miss it; just go out and have fun! Ask the cute boy you sit next to in class; just have your confidence. If all else fails, go by yourself and meet your friends there. You’ll have plenty of time to go on dates and be in relationships throughout your life time, this is one dance. Don’t stress it; just go out and dance your tail off. Date or no date, I know you’ll have fun!